How to Support a Man with Cancer

Compassionate Ways to Support a Man Battling Cancer

Did you know that the second leading cause of death in men is cancer? In fact, according to the CDC, 22.5% of men will lose their lives to some form of this disease.

Let that statistic sink in for a second.

While this may be a jarring statistic for some, what’s even more surprising is the lack of resources and information surrounding how to help these people through this challenging journey.

Men and women respond differently to a cancer diagnosis and its challenges. Men have unique emotional, psychological, and physical responses that require a tailored approach to support. Understanding these differences can help you provide more effective and empathetic care. 

In this guide, I’m going to help shed light on how to better support the brothers, dads, sons, friends, and partners in your life who are currently facing one of the greatest challenges of their lives. By the end of this article, you will have the skills and knowledge needed to support your loved one through cancer and to greater health. 

How Does Cancer Affect Men Differently?

If you are a loved one or caregiver of a man who has cancer, it’s important to remember that men and women approach the cancer journey differently. Men, for instance, have a societal pressure to act brave and stoic in all situations. However, imagine having to keep that image after you have just been told you have cancer? Those emotions can only stay hidden for so long.

Because society often expects men to be courageous and fearless, they might hide their true emotions and become reclusive, avoiding sharing how they really feel. While this may seem like a sign that a man with cancer is coping well, it’s often quite the opposite. It’s crucial to approach the situation with sensitivity, offering support in a way that doesn’t make them feel weak or vulnerable.

Men are often solution-oriented, preferring clear facts and decisive actions. They thrive on being presented with options and making informed decisions. However, once treatment concludes, many men mistakenly believe their journey is over and no further action is needed.

This is precisely when men need the most support. Once strong and capable, they may now grapple with brain fog, physical weakness, and diminished self-esteem. Often, they fail to acknowledge the emotional turmoil and scars that cancer has left behind.

In their effort to remain strong, men may exhibit aggression as they struggle to process their emotions healthily, leading to outbursts. While many men blame the treatment for their difficulties, they often overlook the emotional roots of their struggles. Men are less likely to show vulnerability in front of their families and loved ones, making it crucial for them to seek professional support outside the household.

Unlike women, who are generally more open to mindfulness, emotions, and overall mental health, men often dismiss these concepts as irrelevant to their recovery. Recognizing and addressing these emotional and mental health aspects is vital for their holistic healing and well-being.

Common Reactions and Coping Mechanisms

• Denial and Minimization: Men might downplay their symptoms or the severity of their diagnosis.
• Anger and Frustration: It’s common for men to feel frustrated or angry, especially if they’re used to being active and self-reliant.
• Silence and Withdrawal: Some men might withdraw emotionally, preferring to deal with their feelings alone.
• Aggression: Men may begin to lash out in anger or aggression as they try to process their emotions and hurt ego.

Understanding these reactions is crucial. It’s not about pushing them to open up but rather being there when they’re ready to talk.

How to Provide Men With Emotional Support When They’re Going Through Cancer

Knowing how to overcome cancer is not easy. Between the countless doctor visits, endless Google searches, and well-meaning opinions from loved ones, it’s easy for someone with cancer to feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of information.

As a caregiver supporting a loved one through cancer, one of the most valuable things you can offer is unwavering emotional support. Be their rock during the tough days of treatment, someone they can vent to, or simply a compassionate listener. Knowing they can always count on you can make a world of difference.

When it comes to emotional support, sometimes the simplest things mean the most to a cancer patient. Here are some ways you can be there for him:

Active Listening

Listen without interrupting or offering solutions. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to can make a world of difference. If the man with cancer in your life wants to talk, try asking them, “Would you like me to give my advice or just listen?”

Offering Encouragement

Encourage him to talk about his feelings, but don’t push if he’s not ready. Let him know it’s okay to feel scared, angry, or sad. In some cases, a man may not feel ready to talk to someone they know but may feel more comfortable talking to a professional. If this is the case, encourage them to talk with a therapist or even a cancer coach to work through their feelings and emotions.

Maintaining Normalcy

One of the greatest things you can do for someone going through cancer treatment is maintain a sense of normalcy. Try to keep things as normal as possible. Whether it’s watching his favorite TV show together or maintaining daily routines, this can provide a comforting sense of stability in an otherwise chaotic time in the person’s life.

Practical Support: Lending a Hand

Cancer screening and treatment can be exhausting, and everyday tasks can become overwhelming. When it comes to cancer care, your partner, friend, or family member may need logistical support to get through the burden of treatments, appointments, and everything else that comes up during their cancer journey. Here’s how you can help:

Helping with Appointments

Offer to drive him to his appointments or sit with him during his treatments. Your presence can provide significant comfort. Providing him with additional support while they learn about the different treatment options can make them feel less alone during this difficult time.

Assisting with Household Chores

Taking over some of the daily chores, like cooking, cleaning, or grocery shopping, can relieve a lot of stress for a cancer patient. If you don’t live with this individual, bring them a weeknight dinner or offer to pick up their favorite meal to make their day.

Managing Medical Information

Managing cancer treatment and everything that comes with it can be incredibly overwhelming for a single individual. Help him keep track of his treatment schedules, medications, and doctor’s instructions so he doesn’t have to go through it alone. This can be especially helpful if he’s feeling overwhelmed.

How to Help Men Cope with Side Effects of Cancer

One of the toughest parts of the cancer journey is managing the physical side effects of treatment. Here is how you can help a man cope with the ugly side effects of treatment.

Fatigue

Fatigue is a common side effect of cancer treatment, and encouraging rest is crucial. In fact, sleep is how the body naturally repairs and heals itself, which is why it’s even more critical for your loved one to get as much sleep as they need. Ensure he follows a healthy sleep schedule and avoids overexerting himself during the day. Light exercise, such as gentle walks or bike rides, can also be beneficial in boosting his energy levels without causing fatigue.

Nausea

Nausea can be another challenging side effect to manage, especially if they are going through chemotherapy. Eating smaller, more frequent meals can help keep nausea at bay, making it easier for him to maintain his strength. Additionally, staying well-hydrated is important, so encourage him to drink plenty of fluids throughout the day. These dietary tips will help him regain strength after chemo sessions and make the side effects more tolerable.

Emotional Distress

Emotional distress is an inevitable part of the cancer journey, and professional counseling can provide a much-needed outlet for expressing feelings. Cancer support groups are also invaluable, offering a sense of community and connection with others who understand what he’s going through. This combination of professional and peer support can make a significant difference in coping with the emotional challenges of cancer.

Encouraging a Healthy Lifestyle

Encouraging a healthy lifestyle is essential for supporting the body during cancer treatment. A balanced diet rich in raw fruits and vegetables, plant-based proteins, and whole grains can help provide the necessary nutrients for recovery. Consulting with a nutritionist or cancer coach can offer personalized advice to ensure he’s getting the best possible nutrition. 

Regular exercise, even gentle activities like walking, swimming, or biking, can boost mood and energy levels, contributing to overall well-being. Additionally, encouraging him to avoid harmful habits such as smoking and excessive alcohol consumption is vital, as these can interfere with treatment and recovery.

Mental health is also a major factor when discussing healthy lifestyle habits. Encourage him to engage in activities that bring joy and relaxation, whether it’s a hobby, spending time in nature. While most men are not as open to mindfulness activities such as meditation, journaling, or yoga, try encouraging them to practice whatever hobby brings them the most joy and inner peace. Celebrating small wins, staying connected with friends and family, and focusing on the present rather than worrying about the future can foster a positive outlook. If they are open to trying new mindfulness activities, suggest writing in a gratitude journal every morning to help maintain a positive outlook each and every day.

Gifts for Men With Cancer

Did the man in your life have a really tough week? Consider bringing them one of these practical (and always appreciated) gifts as a little surprise to brighten his day!

• Comfortable Pajamas: Soft, breathable fabrics can make lounging around more comfortable, especially during recovery days.
• Warm Blanket: A cozy, warm blanket can provide comfort and warmth during treatment sessions or while resting at home.
• Inspirational Books: A good book with a positive message can be a great distraction and a source of motivation.
• Healthy Snacks: Nutritious, easy-to-eat snacks like mixed nuts, fruit baskets, or cold-pressed juices can help him maintain his energy levels.
• Essential Oils: Aromatherapy oils like lavender or eucalyptus can help with relaxation and stress relief.
• Noise-Canceling Headphones: Perfect for tuning out the world and enjoying some peaceful moments or listening to soothing music.
• Personalized Water Bottle: Staying hydrated is crucial, and a personalized water bottle can be both practical and uplifting.
• Activity Books: Puzzle books, crosswords, or adult coloring books can provide a fun and engaging distraction.
• Massage Voucher: A professional massage can help relieve stress and physical discomfort.
• Comfortable Slippers: Soft, supportive slippers can make walking around the house more comfortable.
• Journal: A stylish journal for jotting down thoughts, feelings, or daily reflections can be therapeutic.

Men and Cancer: How to Offer Your Support

Supporting a man with cancer is a journey that requires compassion, understanding, and patience. By recognizing his unique needs, providing practical and emotional support, and leveraging available resources, you can make a significant positive impact on his journey. Remember, it’s not just about fighting cancer – it’s about living well and thriving once recovered. 

How a Cancer Coach Can Help You During This Difficult Time

In addition to the support you provide, enlisting the help of a cancer coach can be incredibly beneficial. A cancer coach specializes in guiding patients and their families through the complexities of cancer care. They offer personalized advice, help manage side effects, and provide emotional support tailored to their unique needs. With their expertise, a cancer coach can help educate on alternative cancer treatment options, improve communication with healthcare professionals, and develop coping strategies.